Episode 131 - Shay Sane, Black Girls On The Go
In this episode, Christine hosts a soulful conversation with Shay Sane, Founder and Executive Director of Black Girls On The Go, Inc. ®, an innovative wellness brand for ambitious, conscious, dynamic, trailblazing, Strong Black Women (SBW) to Live in Wellness, Exuberance & Happiness™.
Since 2014, BGOTG’s undiluted mission is to help women prioritize their mental health through advocacy work, hosting conferences, facilitating seminars, delivering training, providing workshops, and facilitating Therapeutic Travel Experiences aka (TTraVsperiences®). After being diagnosed with high functioning major depressive disorder, anxiety disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder and epilepsy, Shay became a trained Mental Health Advocate. She is currently in training to become a Facilitator with the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) and is also a Brand Ambassador for Invisible Disabilities. Her work of creating an outlet for black women to heal has been featured in Black Enterprise, Rolling Out, Travel Noire, Madame Noire, and Work Your Business Magazine, and was selected to participate in Facebook’s Leadership Summit.
Helping women heal personal pain through sisterhood and travel is Shay Sane’s life mission. Abandonment, emotional trauma, and depression are all too familiar to Shay Sane who was abandoned by her mother and found herself looking for love in all the wrong places, which led to teenage pregnancy and years of living with a deep void of emotional pain. After losing her own sister and combating compounded personal stress, Shay was faced with two decisions: to either stay in her environment and suffer in silence or change her environment and become transparent about her depression.
Shay Sane’s story is a personal testament to how any woman can turn pain into purpose.
Black Girls On The Go
To date, Shay has amassed a tribe of over 30,000 women who desire to heal and build sisterly bonds through travel. Through her luxury travel transformational experiences, Soul Adventures, she and certified wellness professionals help women heal their minds, bodies, and energy so that they can make aligned decisions toward their mental health and life purpose.
The Birth of Black Girls On The Go
After Shay was abandoned by her mother at age eight and raised by her loving older sisters, she experienced trauma and difficulty trusting others. She became promiscuous after experiencing molestation and became a mother at age sixteen. From that moment, she knew that she was going to graduate, that she was going to do what she needed to do to take care of her education. After a job training program in DC, she landed a job with the federal government and surrounded herself with mentors that motivated her and kept her on the right path.
As a black woman in the workforce with children in the Washington D.C. area, Shay experienced mental health issues – but didn’t always know what exactly was going on. Because of her experience with therapists as a young teenager, she knew to seek therapy whenever she was struggling, and with the support of therapists and her circle of friends, she made it through each difficult moment.
What helped the most: Travel.
Weekend trips with her friends turned into longer, solo trips to other countries, and Shay tapped into that power of survival that continued to teach her she could bring the same power to her work at home.
Black Girls On The Go, originally named Black Girl Travel Movement, was born. Even though Shay knew the travel was to support mental health, she didn’t realize the role that would play until the incredible women she traveled with began sharing about their trauma, domestic violence, and need for healing. Shay knew she needed to bring more people in to the conversation to support these women in such vulnerable moments of healing, and this practice continues today.
Opening Up Conversations Around Mental Health
Since her introduction to talk therapy and psychiatry at age thirteen, the biggest catalyst for her has been the recent pandemic, which made it easier for Shay to talk about and shift the mission of her brand.
“Everybody in the entire world was traumatized by the pandemic. They were affected, and it was coming out more. And my brand was already positioned to be where they needed to be.”
She explains this moment as the point at which she stepped into why she was made to deliver what she was made to be for the world.
Travel As The Vehicle for Transformation
Both Christine and Shay share their journeys to creating transformational experiences that happen to occur through travel. When travel was taken away, people began to realize exactly how powerful it is to put yourself in other spaces, meet new people, and have new experiences.
Shay shares that when building a brand and talking to news media, branding experts, and more, she always feels the external pressure to use the “retreat” language – but that’s so far from what she offers as part of Black Girls On The Go. She created her own word: TTraVsperiences®, which stands for Transformational Travel Experiences.
For Shay, being in the middle of wellness and travel with a platform of mental health is exactly where she wants to be.
Strong Black Women - Who Travel
As a self-proclaimed strong black woman, Shay explains that she identifies as someone who is independent, assertive, and committed to taking care of herself – not because she has chosen to, but because others have not historically done that for her.
Shay shares that when her long-term partnership ended, she turned to her friends for support, who may not have been prepared to support her in the ways in which she would have supported herself. She knows that she needs to be supported and cared for in a different way, and other women that share the same traits within the same community, where strong black women can be vulnerable together, is a space that must be held.
“We need to be supported and cared for in a different way. And other women that are like us can support us in that way.”
Soul of Travel Episode 131 At a Glance
Christine and Shay discuss:
How her personal journey has inspired the community and experiences she creates for black women to heal through travel
Therapeutic travel experiences
The increased need for more mental health support in recent years
Shay’s mission to help women prioritize mental health
Getting out of the box when creating your business
How women can create communities of support in their affinity spaces
Upcoming events by Black Girls On The Go, Inc. ®
Join Christine now for this soulful conversation with Shay Sane.
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Related UN Sustainable Development Goals
Sustainable Development Goal #1: End poverty in all its forms everywhere.
Sustainable Development Goal #3: Ensure healthy lives and promote well-being for all at all ages.
Sustainable Development Goal #4: Ensure inclusive and equitable quality education and promote lifelong learning opportunities for all.
Sustainable Development Goal #5: Achieve gender equality and empower all women and girls.
Sustainable Development Goal #6: Ensure availability and sustainable management of water and sanitation for all.
Sustainable Development Goal #8: Promote sustained, inclusive and sustainable economic growth, full and productive employment and decent work for all.
Sustainable Development Goal #10: Reduce inequality within and among countries.
Sustainable Development Goal #11 Make cities and human settlements inclusive, safe, resilient and sustainable.
Sustainable Development Goal #16: Promote peaceful and inclusive societies for sustainable development, provide access to justice for all and build effective, accountable and inclusive institutions at all levels.
Sustainable Development Goal #17: Strengthen the means of implementation and revitalize the Global Partnership for Sustainable Development.
Resources & Links Mentioned in the Episode
To learn more about Black Girls On The Go, visit the website!
Learn about the National Alliance on Mental Illness here.
Find out what the Transformational Travel Council is up to here.
Get your copy of Beauty for Ashes by Joyce Myers.
Follow Shay and Black Girls On The Go on your favorite social media network!
Connect with Shay on LinkedIn, or follow Black Girls On The Go on Facebook or Instagram!
About the Soul Of Travel Podcast
Soul of Travel honors the passion and dedication of people making a positive impact in the tourism industry. In each episode, you’ll hear the stories of women who are industry professionals, seasoned travelers, and community leaders. Our expert guests represent social impact organizations, adventure-based community organizations, travel photography and videography, and entrepreneurs who know that travel is an opportunity for personal awareness and a vehicle for global change.
Join us to become a more educated and intentional traveler as you learn about new destinations, sustainable and regenerative travel, and community-based tourism. Industry professionals and those curious about a career in travel will also find value and purpose in our conversations.
We are thought leaders, action-takers, and heart-centered change-makers who inspire and create community. Join host Christine Winebrenner Irick for these soulful conversations with our global community of travelers exploring the heart, the mind, and the globe.
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Credits. Christine Winebrenner Irick (Host, creator, editor). Eljesa Saciri (Guest). Original music by Clark Adams. Editing, production, and content writing by Carly Oduardo.
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WE WON A BESSIE AWARD! The Bessie Awards recognize the achievements of women and gender-diverse people making an impact in the travel industry. To view the complete list of 2022’s winners, visit bessieawards.org.
Soul of Travel Episode 131 Transcript
Women’s travel, transformational travel, sustainable travel, women leaders in travel
Christine: Shay Sane is the founder and executive director of Black Girls on the Go. An innovative wellness brand for ambitious, conscious, dynamic, trailblazing, strong black women to live in wellness, exuberance, and happiness. Shay is a travel enthusiast and self-proclaimed hotel snob, and considers herself a world citizen. Having traveled internationally for more than 20 years and counting, she retired from the Department of Justice in 2020, after 31 years of public service. After being diagnosed with high functioning, major depressive disorder, anxiety disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder, and epilepsy, Shay became a trained mental health advocate. She is currently in training to become a facilitator with a National Alliance on Mental illness, and is also a brand ambassador for invisible Disabilities. Her work of creating an outlet for black women to heal has not gone unnoticed. She has been featured in Black Enterprise rolling out Travel Noir, Madame Noir Work Your Business Magazine, and was selected to participate in Facebook's leadership summit.
In our conversation, Shay and I discuss how her personal journey has inspired the community and experiences she creates for other black women to heal through travel. We also talk about her therapeutic travel experiences, better known as Trav experiences her mission to help women prioritize their mental health, getting out of the box when creating your business and so much more. I'm honestly not sure how we kept this to one hour. We had so much to chat about. Love these soulful conversations. We rely on listener support to produce our podcast. You can support me in amplifying the voices of women by making a donation on PayPal. The link is in the show notes. Join me now for my soulful conversation with Shay saying
Welcome to Soul of Travel podcast. Um, this is a really exciting conversation to bring to you today. I'm so delighted to have Shay sane joining me. Um, and we had this interview scheduled a while back, but it's really kind of serendipitous that it landed here. Today. We're at the beginning of Mental Health Month, um, and we are gonna be talking about kind of the intersection of mental health, healing, travel, transformational travel. Um, so this is perfectly aligned timing. Um, I'm excited to jump in. So welcome to the podcast, Shay. Thank you for having me. Thank you. Well, just to get going, I'd love to give you the opportunity to introduce your te yourself and tell us, um, a little bit about your business, um, black girls on the go, and then we'll go through your journey to creating it and all that you're offering there.
Shay: Okay. Well, um, again, thank you for having me. I'm, I'm excited to be here and have an untanned conversation with you about black girls on the go. My name is Shay Sane. I, um, founded Black Girl on the Go in 2014, um, through just some self-discovery. Um, I started out, um, by traveling solo initially, but then I invited other black women to travel with me to, um, offer them a place to heal from some of the things that they may be going through, much like myself, being a, a black woman in, um, in a very diverse community or just being in a workforce, being, um, professionals and having the everyday stress of just taking care of yourself and taking care of other people. Um, for me, as a brand, my focus is providing support to strong black women and empowering them to prioritize their mental health.
Myself, I have been on my own mental health journey for over 40 years, and I am thriving and living with high functioning depression, high function anxiety. I also have fibromyalgia. I also live with invisible disabilities, um, and I also have epilepsy, but I have not allowed that to stop me. It actually motivates me to do more and to share my story, um, and to be excited about what I do with black girls on the go. Although our focus is to empower strong black womens who prioritize their mental health, we do it through various ways. We facilitate workshops, seminars, events, and travel. Initially, when we started out in 2014, we focused primarily on travel.
Christine: Yeah, thank you for, for sharing all of that. And, um, I love that you kind of ended, that you started in travel, because I think where we connected was through the Transformational Travel Council and kind of beginning to understand that this kind of secret power that lay, lay within travel. And I think then as you saw that value that revealed to you this entire other aspect of what your business could be and how you could support community. Um, but I would love to talk to you a little bit more about, um, your journey to creating, um, your, your business and how, how you were drawn into travel, and then what was that catalyst for you that really had you step in to create this community and this space?
Shay: Um, for me, it, it actually, I have to be very candid, transparent. It started because of personally, um, I, um, I was a single mother. I had my first child at 16. Um, and my life itself started out very traumatic. I was, um, abandoned by my mother. Um, later on I was raised, I was abandoned by my mother at eight h eight, eight years old. I was then raised by my older sisters, um, and they took care of me. Um, I, we lived below poverty, so it was a big struggle for us. Um, and my sisters, they did the best that they could. Um, and they loved me and nurtured me, and they had always been my backbone. Later when I got older, my father, um, who was a recovering, um, alcoholic, he did come and he, um, he, he retrieved me and my sis my sister, who's one year older than me, and we went to live with him.
And our life got a little bit better, but I still had a lot of trauma. Um, and I had a had a lot of trust issues and I had to, I started going to see a psychiatrist back then. Um, and there goes trauma in my life and I didn't have a lot of, lot of trust. So, um, my childhood or teenage years was very difficult. Um, I became very promiscuous after I was molested. And at 15 I got pregnant. I had a daughter at 16. Um, and one of the things I did not want for my daughter is for, to abandon her. So that was a no-go for me. So, um, yeah, I pulled up my boots scraps and I was like, okay, I'm still gonna graduate from high school. I was very adamant about that. I did the things that I needed to do, um, in order to keep myself going, motivated education.
I, um, was able to get into a job training program thanks to the DC government. Um, and I landed a job with the federal government. So I started federal government in 1990. Um, and I worked my way through the federal government, always looked, looked ahead, got mentors. Um, that motivated me. Um, and I started my federal career, um, as a black woman in the workforce. It was not easy. Um, it was very stressful. And then again, like I said, I had children. I'm in the Washington DC area. Um, and of course, because I had past childhood trauma, you know, I was dealing with some mental health issues at the time, I didn't know what it was, but, um, I knew that I struggled with being sad and being depressed. And because I had the previous history of going to the psychiatrist, I would then seek out therapy when I needed.
And so that helped me a lot. Um, and then I would, I created a community of women that was like myself, single mothers. We would come together and talk about the things that we were going through. We would help one another out on the weekend. We'd do babysitting duties on the weekends. So that helped us to get through the things that we were going through, the challenges, whether it was childcare, financial issues, um, relationship issues. And for me, um, we started to travel on the weekends together. Like we'd go to New York just for a weekend or go to Miami. And then for me, I wanted to do something a little bit more because the job was stressful. So I started traveling and I wanted them to travel with me, but they couldn't go. And I would started traveling solo. And so when I started traveling solo and I started venturing out to other countries where I didn't speak the language, and I would, I would be in Paris, and I was like, I don't know where I'm going.
Don't speak the language, but I survived. And I was able to tap into a power that I didn't know I had. And I was like, okay, if I can survive in Paris and not speak the language, I can survive in this building with all of these, you know, other powerful people and I can get the job done. And so it just gave me so much strength and I felt so, so elated that I was like, okay, I need to gather all the women and we need to just go travel so when they come back, they can feel strong and they can like get it done. And so that's what happened. I started, you know, like bringing people out to travel and I originally, the name of black Girls on the Go was black girl travel Movement. And so the mission at the time was empowering women to heal through travel.
I didn't make the connection with mental health at the time, even though, even though I knew it was for mental health, I wasn't at a place where I could say the word out loud. Right. But that's what we did. And so when we would, when when I started traveling and bringing other women and we would have our conversations and getting to know one another, the amazing women, they started sharing stories about their life, about past trauma, um, domestic violence, molestation and things like that. And I'm like, I'm not equipped to deal with that. And I realized, okay, I need to get people out here that can help these women. So I invited, um, holistic healers, um, life coaches, therapists, those that could help the women to come travel with us so that they could have support in the event that they opened up about those things. Did you have any questions? I don't wanna keep talking at all.
Christine: No, it's so, I, I just
Shay: Go on the arms forever. So that's kind of how black girls in the go On the go was kind of born and kind of got started.
Christine: Yeah. Thank you so much for, for walking us through that. And also, I really thank you for sharing, you know, really what was the catalyst for your business and, and I think so many of us that create community for women, especially around healing and around, um, transformation and growth, I think that it's becoming, it is coming from the space we need for ourselves. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. So I just wanna honor and recognize that, you know, that is a really important part of our journeys is, um, I in fact just was meeting with the healer the other day and she said, well, I just hope that you recognize this experience that you're having right now is gonna even help you to further guide and, and support women because you can relate to them because of this experience you're having. And, um, I think, uh, you know, how you were able to recognize that you were already creating community around this, and then you had this powerful travel experience and knew that this would've been be beneficial for other women.
I just, I love how you just kind of kept pulling the threads together and then the awareness of how much of a part mental health takes in this experience. And I think many of us working in transformational travel, if we're kind of really focused on that healing, there are moments, especially I think when you're gathering women and they start to share and open up and be vulnerable about their past experiences, you do recognize that they are starting to process a lot of things and they do need support beyond what we can, as like a space folder and a community holder provide. And so I did wanna talk about, you know, this transition from thinking about it be as being transformational and empowering and really then diving into mental health. What did it take for you to kind of bridge that gap in your community? Um, especially, I know you and I talked about before we hopped on this call, the, the struggle and the stigma that is attached to mental health, um, especially in black communities. How did you get the women that who are traveling with you to really feel comfortable knowing that that's the intention for their travel experience?
Shay: Um, I guess it's two folds. It's for me personally, um, because I was introduced to mental health very early, you know, like at 13, I, like I said, I was going to see a psychiatrist. I was going once a month at 13. And so it was introduced to me early. And I've always, you know, read self-help books, and I've always been in therapy. Like I am a big proponent of therapy. I love having a therapist and I've always gone to therapy and I know that it works. And so, um, knowing that it works, I wanted to share that with other people. Um, but the biggest, um, the biggest catalyst I think for me to start really talking about it and like changing my mission and not hiding behind the words. Like, as I said, the mission before was empowering women to heal through travel was Covid, you know, it's like, um, the pandemic made it easier for me to really talk about it and to change the mission of the brand to talk about mental health because we could not hide it.
The everybody in the entire world was traumatized by the pandemic and they were affected and it was coming out more. And I was already positioned, my brain was already positioned to be where they needed to be. And even though travel was shut down for two years, I didn't make any money in my brand. I was already positioned to be ready when Covid opened, you know, when the pandemic ended and travel opened back up, my brand was already to step in and to do the work that was needed because more people needed healing. Um, more people needed support dealing with mental health issues that they probably didn't even know that they had. Um, I knew prior to Covid that I had high functioning depression, ibel, it's my opinion and belief that there were a lot of people that did not know that they had had high functioning depression because they were always busy.
You know, the office kept them busy, the gym kept them busy, the kids kept them busy, socializing, kept them busy. But when the world shut down and you didn't have any of that, it was hard. Mm. And so it made it easier. Um, and for me, because I was already talking about my own mental health journey, it made it easier for people to seek me out and be like, okay, Shay had already been talking about this. Let me see what Shay's talking about. So it made a little bit easier, um, for me to just start talking about it and having conversations with people. I mean, it was my time to step up and to really step into the purpose of why I was made and the higher power revealed it to me. It's like all the stuff you went through, all the trauma you've had in your life and all the struggles, this is my time to show you. This is why I made you.
Christine: Hmm. Um, gosh, thank you again. I feel like my, um, it just keeps kind of hitting me at, at a level that I wouldn't have expected, but I think it's because you are so beautifully sharing, um, you know, really powerful awarenesses. And the one thing that at first, uh, struck me is that, you know, you were saying initially you were kind of hiding what you wanted to do behind this other facade. And we were just talking about how you're going through a, a, um, web redesign and a brand repositioning and kind of getting ready to really bring this new, um, business to life. But I think so many of us, when we have something that's so personal to us that we do want to offer as our business, we kind of can start playing it safe or playing it to the level of comfort that we're at right now.
Um, and I think also when you're looking at, uh, businesses that overlap kind of healing health and wellness, there's things that you're told as a business owner that like you should say and shouldn't say when it comes to marketing and branding and strategy. And so they're like, this would sound better <laugh>. And so I think some of us start that way too. And then we just realize like, that's not in alignment with who I really am. And at some point that mission just like busts through all of these things that people are telling you, your business, how it should be shaped. But I would love to talk to you about that. Like what has that transition been like for you and, and kind of what is coming <laugh>?
Shay: Wow. Um, thank you for, um, mentioning that. You know, when I started it was hard, um, because there was nothing like what I wanted, you know, as you're kind of alluded to. So it's almost like I'm creating a niche, you know, before I jumped into travel, you know, I became a travel agent cuz I wanted to understand how to book group travel. And I remember being in some of the training courses, you gotta pick a niche, you gotta do this, you gotta do that. But there's no niche for this. Like, transformational travel was just starting. I remember seeing, um, the Transformational Travel Council, you know, that they were just up and running and this is like, like I said, 2014. So it wasn't as big as it is now. Like now, I think maybe around 2018 is when I started really started to see people use transformational travel. But there was nobody really doing transformational travel. But now after Covid, it seems to be bigger in a popular word. Do you, do you understand what I'm saying?
Christine: Yeah, absolutely.
Shay: Like, it's like you're creating a trend. And for me, being that I'm a black entrepreneur, I'm in a travel space, you know, and of course I made, I made the name of the group Black Girl Travel Movement. I kind of was, I kind of lumped myself into that community, but in reality, I wasn't a part of the black travel community be, not that I wasn't, but the type of travel I was doing would not, was not just for social travel, it wasn't about taking glamorous pictures for Instagram or social media, it was about mental health and healing. So I never became a part of that community or that clique or mm-hmm. <affirmative>, any of that. Like, there have been many articles written about amazing black travel groups, but you don't see black girls on the go on that list. And it's okay because I knew that I was, I have a unique niche, so it's like always am the eyeball at school.
And it was okay because I love those people. I've, I've had conversations with a lot of those amazing people that are just spearheading that, but it was, it's lonely when you're, you're creating something of your own or something that's unique. But I believed in who I am and I know what I do is needed and the time just shined. So when Covid came about it just, like I said, just, it just made it easier. And if you could repeat your question, I'll get back to the answer, but I got kind of got off track with that.
Christine: No, no, I think that I, I love what you said there and, and what I wanted to just say too in that is when you were saying that your business didn't really seem to fit, you know, in the travel space, in the black travel space, in this space, and you're, again, as an entrepreneur, you're actually one of the first things you do is kind of try to figure out where you fit and then figure out who your competitors are so you can, you know, do all of these things that you're supposed to do with your business plan. And when I started to write my business plan for my company for Lotus Sojourns, I remember thinking like, I really wanna travel. I've been in the travel industry for a long time, but what's more important to me is community and connection and personal growth. But I, like, I don't think people will understand if I say that I'm creating a community for personal growth and transformation that happens while we travel.
And even at that time I was like, I think it's something like transformational travel. And my business coach was like, well that is surely not a thing. Um, and so she's like, just call it a travel company and then tell people all the other things you do. And I, and I went back and forth cuz I was like, yes, it, we are traveling, but that's just like the vehicle for all of these other things to happen. So I really relate to kind of that dilemma of creating what you wanna create because like all the pieces are important, but the thing that people seem to most easily latch onto is the travel business part. And then all of a sudden you're a travel business that really doesn't look like a travel business <laugh>. So, um, I wish that we would've met each other like four years ago because we could have really probably held some space for each other to be like, you are not crazy.
This is okay <laugh>, we're gonna get through this. Um, and then also, like you said, during Covid, so many people were more present to their mental state, to what was happening in their lives and also present to the absence of travel <laugh>. Um, so I think then people were seeing how healing travel actually is for them. And so now, like you said, transformational travel is, is a thing that people actually are seeking out and you don't have to kind of sneak into the, you know, your offerings. So this is such a perfect time for you to just be like, this is what I'm doing. I I really wanna be here, this is what I'm here for. Um, so I'm just so excited for, for this transition for you. And you know, you said that, um, you are kind of reframing things, so that's where we started. But what's next for black girls on the go? Where are you headed?
Shay: Um, the sky is the limit for us and it's very scary. And of course it, it brings me back to that quote that if your, if your dreams don't scare you, they're not big enough. Mines scare me so much that I have to pull back. Um, and so our website will be, our full website will be launching, um, within the next week or so. Um, we, we actually will be rolling out our, our entire itinerary travel itinerary and events for, um, the rest of 23 and for the full year 24. We have some amazing things coming up. Um, we will be having our luxurious self-care wellness weekend in Tampa, Florida in October. October, I believe it's October 3rd through the ninth. If it's not, I know it's Columbus Day weekend. Um, it's gonna be amazing. It's geared towards strong black women coming together or taking the much needed weekend so that they can remove their cape and focus on their own mental health.
And um, we'll be using our Black Woman's Mental health manifesto to help them create a plan so that they can live in wellness, exuberance and happiness. Um, we are looking to partner with other businesses, companies, um, that support black women living in, um, mental wellness and to focus on their mental health because it's so important. It's so, um, much needed and we can't do it by ourselves. Uh, we have a lot of great things coming up. I'm the world's the Limit. And I wanted to say something about, I love talking about the transformational travel experience. And one of the other things when, when I'm building a brand, when you're, when we're building a brand, you're talking to experts. Like you're talking to marketing people, you're talking to branding people and you're talking to, you know, news media and they're trying to understand what you do.
And they always, they try to lump you in with retreats. And I'm like, I'm not, I don't do retreats. And people like, why you don't, why do you don't say retreats? It's like, cause it's not retreats. And so that was another thing. I don't know if you had that too, where people wanted, they do retreats, so i's like, no, not not a retreat. And I still don't use the word retreats. And this was in 2018. And one of the things that I did do is because I knew where I was going, I created a word and it's called Trans Experience. It's two T's, I don't know if you've seen it. Two T mm-hmm <affirmative>, R a capital V Experience. And it stands for Transformational Travel Experience. And I actually trademarked the word in 2018. Didn't, didn't really think much of it, but I knew where I was going and I knew, I knew where I was going. I knew that what I was doing was something unique
Christine: Mm-hmm. <affirmative>.
Shay: Yeah.
Christine: Yeah. I love that. And I did, I have that on my list, um, to ask you about tra experience and because I love a good word mashup, especially ala Glennon Doyle, who, uh, creates so many words. I tell them to my daughters all the time, I'm like, oh, I'm so scar sighted right now. Or I'm, you know, like all of these words. So when I saw tra experience, I was like, oh, that's so good. I love, um, I love that idea because you're bringing people into that conversation to get them to understand what you're doing. Um, and also as you were talking about retreat, this was a word I definitely was trying to steer clear of. I would say sometimes like, kind of like a retreat, except for that we're not staying in one place. Exactly. And we're not really, like, it's not about just relaxing.
I'm like, it's actually less about retreating and more about engaging. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, I'm like going on to engage. People are like, uh, I don't think that's what I'm here for <laugh>, but I, I really get that resistance cuz like you, you are, you really know what the essence of what you are creating <laugh>. Yeah. I see you and I in the same place and now at least I know I'm not there alone because it's like people will be like, this is what it's called. And I was like, perfect, I'm gonna stand out right outside of whatever that is, and then think of something different, which is fun, but it's also just always harder, right? Because you could say, I could just call this a retreat and then people would easily know, like they would just be able to say yes. But I'm like, what? You're not really saying yes to what I want you to say Yes. Two, that would be me misleading you. So, um, I hope that other people listening to this who maybe have felt similar resistances when they have been creating their businesses to give them permission to just be like, I don't have to be inside that box. I can definitely be way outside of that box. <laugh>.
Shay: Yes. Yeah. Yeah. You definitely can. And I, I really, um, I'm excited about the Transformational Travel Council and what they're doing. Um, uh, I was so excited to see them. I said, at least there's somebody here leading that charge and eventually it's gonna get there and boom, here we are in 2023 and they're there and they're on it. And I just absolutely love it. I love it. And even, you know, being in the travel space because still have a travel agency and I, and I see even in the wellness space, they're moving, they're moving, um, on with that. And I love being a, being in the middle of wellness and travel and to be able to offer the mental health and to see the two married together. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. And that's my platform, um, is to marry the two. And I, and I love that I'm in the middle of mental health and travel and to make it wellness. And so what I say about my brand is Black Girls on the Go is a unique wellness brand. Cuz I'm not all the way travel, I'm not all the way wellness, but I'm in the middle.
Christine: Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. Yeah. Yeah. I I love that. Um, well one other thing that you mentioned a, a moment ago, and we also were talking about before you hopped on one of your other aha moments in redefining your brand is that you were really speaking to strong black women. And I would love to ask you what that realization was and why that's so important and how you think that differentiates who you're talking to and, and why those are the women that need you.
Shay: Um, for myself, I am a self-proclaimed strong black woman. I know this. Um, and I will say this for myself, it may resonate with other people. When I say, when I think about when I say things and I'm making, um, I'm a, I'm using adjectives, I'm talking about myself. It may, it may describe other people that are listening. Um, but for me, I'm very independent. Um, very assertive, always have been. Um, I've taken care of myself for years. Not because I want to, but because I had to. And it takes a lot for me to trust other people, um, because I've tried to allow trust other people and they've failed me. And so as a strong black woman, I have certain expectations or, um, I just do things differently. And in my community or in my circle of friends, um, I'm the strong black woman and right.
Um, during the, during the pandemic, I had a, I ended a relationship or my relationship ended with my life partner and I had a, a mental health crisis. And I had amazing friends, amazing friends, and they supported me. And being the strong person in the group, um, they were not prepared. Not that they were not prepared, but because I'm the one that's doing all the research and making the decisions, they were not prepared to support me the way that I would've supported myself. Um, no, taking nothing away from them, but as just being strong or independent, wo independent woman, whether you're black, white or whatever, we're just different. It's just different. I can't explain it, but those of us that are, are, we are just different. And so I know that we need to be, we need to be supported and cared for in a different way. And other women that are like us can support us in that way. And so for me, black Girls on the Go is about strong black women supporting strong black women, creating a community where strong black women can be vulnerable and know that there are other strong black women that know who you are, know what you need and will support you and care for you authentically and not judge you.
And when you're ready to get up, we got you. And I think about it because I have amazing sister friends and they allowed me to cry and be a mess. And my, my, after I came, as I'm coming through this, I'm thinking about other strong women like myself who don't have that community, you know, cuz I have some girlfriends. I, I, and I still have one day, but I needed her. You know, I have that strong one. Be like, put your big girl panties on, what are you doing? All right? I gave you a monk to cry, get up. But my, my fear is like for the strong black women out there that only have those women around them and they can't be weak, my heart goes out to them. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. But they need, they need to be, be able to take their tape off and just be vulnerable around other women.
Mm-hmm. <affirmative> and that's what Black Girls on the Go is all about. You know, especially when we get to be in community, especially when we get to travel, especially when we travel in luxury and we get to go to Greece and be on amazing cruises or we get to, you know, be in Italy. And of course the way, the way I plan travel for the community is just amazing. It's just amazing. And it's like I've even, um, changed the way I do our transference is especially if we're doing a therapeutic travel experience, um, one of the things I believe in is not sharing rooms. That's just me. It's like when you're going through a healing experience, you need your own space. And so, um, the last group that we had traveled in Bali last year, they all had their own rooms. Mother and daughter had their own rooms and you know, the rules we got back, they, they loved it. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. But that's what we do. It's just something different. And so, because I am my ideal client, I build travel, I build events around that
Christine: Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. Yeah. Um, and as you were talking, you know, too, there's so much that I could relate to in both the kind of being the woman who everyone goes to when they have the challenges, right? So you're always the one that's tackling all of that. And you know, having that moment when you all of a sudden realize you need the support. And like you said, maybe people don't know how to address that cuz you've been the one that's always been the person there taking care of it. But then also, if you do have a community of women that are also strong, and if you're looking even in the, in the, in a business sense, if you're, you know, your peers are other CEOs or executives, leaderships, senior leaders, this facade, or not facade, but this, this space you've built for yourself of being strong and being independent and being in control, uh, it's really hard to take that back off.
And you need to be able to take that back off to grow and to heal and to become stronger. And so the importance for creating a space where you can feel safe, taking that off, whether it's personally or professionally, in order to become the next stronger version of yourself, I think is, um, such an important thing to think about. And it's really great that that is a part of the, the space that you have intentionally created. And also, um, the simplicity of giving everyone their own room. Like that seems like such a seemingly simple thing to do. But I think as women so many times we would just say, oh, it's no bother. I can share or it'll be great to share with my girlfriend. But I think most of the time, I know a few people now as I've gotten older, that they'll say, oh yes, I will have my own room. But most people, most women, it seems like that's a part of this accommodating or this, um, being with friends, I don't know why, but saying you would want your own room is a hard thing to do for many women and to just be gifted that experience, even if I were traveling with my daughters, of course I would say, oh, we'll share that's what we should do. But then to have your own space go through this experience together, but by yourself, I think that also makes it even more powerful. <laugh>.
Shay: Yeah. Because when you're healing, you need your own space to do whatever you need to do. You know, and not even if you're healing, but it's just like when you're traveling, it's like you just want your own space. And everybody has the, their own thing that they do. Some people are up late, some people are up early, some people are like me, that they are very disruptive in their sleep. I'm up all times of night doing all types of things. Um, and so it's good to have your your own space to do that in. And so I'm all for why we have these cultures of doing this, doing that. I propose we normalize the culture of not sharing rooms. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>, let's do that. We'll make that happen. Make that a thing.
Christine: Put that on our list, <laugh>,
Shay: Make that a thing.
Christine: Well, uh, we talked about this a little bit, but I kind of, I wanted to go back to this. One of the other things that you've really done, uh, throughout creating your experiences is bringing in mental health professionals to help support the community and travelers as they are really processing and healing from trauma and, and going through these deeper experiences. Um, how have you seen that support and really amplify the healing effect for the people that have participated in that sort of a program
Shay: At first? Um, there, you know, at first there was resistance. I felt that there was resistance and I was concerned about that. Um, especially with, with me talking about mental health, um, and not being a mental health professional. Um, but then the more I started talking about it and you know, me getting involved with a lot of mental health organizations, like I, you know, do volunteer work, um, with nami and I'm actually an ambassador for the, um, disability Invisible Disabilities Association. And so com combine that with my own personal lived experience, which is over 40 years, um, I have it, you know, and I've had conversations with a lot of, um, licensed mental health professionals and they, they told me it's like, Shay, you, you got it. Don't, you don't have to worry about those people that support you will be for you. And then of course, when Covid happened, it made it a lot easier, um, to build those relationships with therapists.
And so now I, you know, I've reached out, I've, you know, I've, I started reaching out to therapists, um, that I see on social media that's giving information already, you know, to the community. And they've been very welcoming. Um, and I'm working with some of them to partner with them. One of the goals that I have is to create a list of therapists to have a therapist at least in every state, so that when I have clients that travel with me, I can at least have a resource for them when they go back home and they can contact someone to either if they have additional crisis or they need to have a therapist so that they can connect with that person because of licensing issues. It's like, it has to be that person. So I wanna build, at least, you know, I'm building that one resource to have a, at least a licensed therapist in each state to connect my clients with.
So instantly they have some, but they're already also some resources out there that also will be using. Um, and we'll have on our website resources for, um, for therapists, um, some of the resources that some of the other communities create. Like I know there's therapy, therapy for black girls has a list. And I think, um, also, what's her name? Megan Nest Stallion, um, has the list that she created. Um, I think she has, I I think her website is bad Bitches Do or Bad Things or something like that where you need therapy. So she has a list and there's a, a lot of other, um, mental health organizations that already have resources. They, um, we share that on our website. And surprising enough, I've been getting contacted by other organizations to, to be on our resource list and I've, I'm learning things every day, um, and especially as it relates to addiction, um, drug addiction, alcohol addiction. And then recently I was contacted by law firm that, um, is focusing on social media addiction and they sent me their resource and their stats and it was amazing. And I never thought about it. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. So the community is like welcoming, um, whether it's therapists, therapists or, you know, like the, um, drug treatment centers. And it's just the whole mental health community has been amazing.
Christine: Yeah. Thinking. Yeah. That's really exciting to, to hear that you're kind of seeing that evolution evolution happen organically and that kind of, the need, everything's just dropping into place as it seems like you need to grow in that direction. Um, well one of the, the last things that I wanted to talk to you about before we go our separate ways, um, is your podcast. So I know this is also a part of coming with the, the 2.0 or 4.0, I don't know which version of your business, but the, the new relaunch, um, your Travel Heals podcast. I would love to hear from you about what that experience has been like before so far, who you've been talking to and who you're looking forward to talking to in the future.
Shay: Um, you know, I started, you know, I started out by talking with some of my clients, those that are transparent about their experience. Um, I think that is important because it opens others that are struggling with their own past trauma. Um, it helps them whether they want to be in an open forum or not, but it just helps them to break their own silence. And for me, what I've learned, um, thus far about trauma, um, for myself, and it, uh, again, it may not be for everybody, but for me and my trauma and dealing with depression is the, it's the silence that makes me sick. If I've had a traumatic event and I don't release it and I keep it bottled up, that's what makes me sick. So I need to get it out either verbally or writing it or some type of way. So the past trauma I went through during Covid with my breakup, I wrote about it.
I, I have a book. I thought I was gonna publish it in April. The title of it is My Strong Friend's Mental Health Crisis. Um, but I got some other stuff and so I put it down on the shelf, but it is gonna come out, um, because it's very important cuz it has some things in it just for, you know, I cuz I want people to pick it up because it's like, your strong best friend has had a crisis and this is some stuff you need to know. And so I do strongly believe that you have to get it out. So I like to talk to people that have had their own, you know, trauma so that they can share their story to inspire other people to share their story in whatever form you share it in. I also like to, um, I'll be talking to some of the mental health professionals that are now on with me as partners, um, and of course some of the holistic professionals because it doesn't always have to be a mental health professional or licensed mental health professional.
Um, also some of those that are in the clergy, you know, um, my, um, mentor is all of those things. Um, and she's helped me out tremendously. She's helped me out with my brand in the transition from doing travel to being in the mental health space and just so many other things. She's amazing. She's a champion for women, um, women's empowerment, and she's been doing this all of her life. It, you know, her family, her heritage is, that is just that she's helped me. You know, I can pick, I can call her up today saying, I'm, I'm struggling with this, this and that. And she'll be like, you know, well Shay, what, what about this? What are that? And so, um, the people that are in my, I'm old the Rolodex, you know, I bring them on because they give me life and I wanna share that with other people.
I also wanna share, you know, have conversations with, you know, those that are my partners, you know, people like yourself that I get to talk to. And you get to, we get to share information and resources, especially as you know, we're building, um, our brands and our businesses. Um, additionally we kind of talked about the rebranding of Black Girls on the Go, and I talk about being in the wellness space. Um, and as I dive deeper into, um, mental health, there is, um, in the mental health world, there's the, uh, elements or the, the elements of therapy, I can't think of the word right now, but for black girls on the go, we've identified the, the 12 Wings of Wellness. And, um, we'll be using those tenets throughout, um, black girls on the go. And so I'll also be talking with, um, some therapists about those dimensions.
The 12 dimensions of, it's actually the six dimensions of wellness. We added six more because, um, in order to heal a person, you have to look at the whole person. You can't just look at the mental health aspect because more than likely, if you're struggling mentally, um, you are also gonna need assistance in other areas of your life, whether it be finance, whether it's relationship, um, relationship being, whether you're a parent, you are, you have a spouse, um, you know, just socially or of course whether it's health and fitness. So they're very se several different elements to it. So black Girls on the Go has expanded. It's not just about travel, it's not just about you as a person, it's about you holistically, because we have to heal all around. It just can't be one thing. So I'll be talking to different professionals throughout those arenas. And for me, um, as an entrepreneur, it's like I'm an entrepreneur at heart. I've always been an entrepreneur, I've always had a business. And, um, for me, uh, financial stability comes from being an entrepreneur. So I'm going to support that. And on my podcast, I will have other women that are entrepreneurs come on and share their business and how they got started and what they're doing. And to encourage other people to be entrepreneurs for other women. Mm-hmm.
Christine: <affirmative>. Um, yeah, I think that is gonna be so many amazing conversation. And, and as you were talking, it kind of comes back to, you know, we were talking about the importance of community and especially community for women and as you were saying, you know, having a space where people are sharing and then you hear yourself in that story, or it's like the thing that unlocks something for you. I think that's why community can be so powerful. And you bringing that aspect into the podcast and putting that in a place where more people can listen and, and learn from others' experiences. I think that's a really important, um, important place and an important space to be creating.
Shay: Definitely. Is,
Christine: Uh, well this has been such a fun conversation. I'm sad that we had to wait so long, but I'm glad that the day is finally here, um, because it was so fun to get to talk to you. Uh, before we go, Shay, I just want you to, um, share how people can find you, but then also I have seven Rapid fire or rapid fire ish questions to end our call <laugh>.
Shay: Okay. Um, you can find me on social media. I'm on Instagram as Black Girls on the go, also on Facebook. Um, and you can find me, um, on, um, the web at, um, black Girls on the go.org or the acronym bg otg org.
Christine: Great. Thank you. Uh, so the first question is, what are you reading right now?
Shay: What am I reading right now? I ordered a book of affirmations and I don't remember who the author is, but I'm reading a book of affirmations, so.
Christine: Okay. If people that are interested in, do you have a favorite book you recommend to people to read?
Shay: My favorite book is Beauty for Ashes by Joyce Myers. It's very old. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. Um, actually I don't even have it back here, um, but I read it probably in 1990 and it helped me to deal with the trauma I had with my mother. And it's the first time I read this, the quote, hurting people, hurt people. That's the first time I heard that quote or read that quote in the book, and I still have it.
Christine: Hmm. Thank you. Uh, what is always in your suitcase or backpack when you travel?
Shay: Um, definitely my, I, my iPad. Definitely my iPad.
Christine: That's a good answer. <laugh>, um, to Sojourn is to travel somewhere, uh, as if you live there for a short while. Where is a place that you would still love to Sojourn?
Shay: Santorini.
Christine: Uh, what do you eat that immediately connects you to a place that you've been?
Shay: Oh, shrimp Santorini. I, I love their Sakaki, Beki, whatever it is. I love it. <laugh>.
Christine: Um, who was a person that inspired or encouraged you to set out and explore the world?
Shay: Hmm. I don't know if it was one person, but probably just, you know, the movies, just watching a movie and just seeing people in other places. Mm-hmm.
Christine: <affirmative>. Um, if you could take an adventure with one person, fictional or real alive or past, who would it be?
Shay: I'm gonna say it. I would take Jamie Fox cuz he's fun and hey, I'm just gonna say it. He's on my list.
Christine: <laugh>
Shay: Just for fun. Just for fun.
Christine: Um, so Soul of Travel is about recognizing women in the industry, who is one woman in the travel industry you admire and would love to recognize in this space.
Shay: Beth Santos, I wanna meet her. Tell her please do <laugh>.
Christine: It's funny, I knew you were gonna say her name before you said her name, so maybe there's already a whisper in the wind.
Shay: <laugh>, How did you know that?
Christine: Yeah. Um, but thank you so much for this conversation, Shay. It was so fun. Um, so worth, so worth the weight. And I hope people really learned a lot about, um, how healing their travel can be and also how to get outside of the box in their business. So I think we covered those things well.
Shay: <laugh>. All right. Thank you.
You can find me on Facebook at Lotus Sojourns on Facebook, or join the Lotus Sojourns Collective, our FB community, or follow me on Instagram either @lotussojourns or @souloftravelpodcast. Stay up to date by joining the Lotus Sojourns mailing list. I look forward to getting to know you and hopefully hearing your story.